terça-feira, 31 de janeiro de 2006

O raio dos estrangeiros não largam isto...

Dear Foreign Visitors,

I have noticed that many foreigners visit this blog, perhaps because it has a foreign name.

For those, I would like to leave some valuable information.

This blog is mostly written in Portuguese.

Portuguese is the language that we, the Portuguese, usually speak. The same as the Brazillians with the difference that they sound funny.

Portugal is situated in Europe. If you are looking at a map, we are the small country left of Spain.

If you cannot situate Spain on a map, I recommend that you return to school immediately.

You may find some references and posts written in foreign languages such as English or French.

This happens because I like to use foreign languages in a creative manner.

You will probably find many mistakes. Please bear in mind that these are not my native languages and that I am not very smart.

Unlike what is commonly said, Portuguese people do not like foreigners. Actually, we just pretend to be nice and then make dirty gestures and mumble really offensive words on your back.

So, please do not come to Portugal, we do not like you, specially if you are from Iceland, Guatemala or the Solomon Islands.

It is also a lie that it is very sunny all the time. I cannot remember the last time I have seen the sun and right now it is freezing cold.

And the food is awful and foreign people have good possibilities of catching strange hilnesses such as the "Carapau-Alimado Sindrome" or the "Marcopauliosis"

We normally tend to show more simpathy to foreigners from countries who have the atomic bomb but that is just because we are afraid that they might nuke us.

If you are an American, please be informed that we are not in possession of any weapons of mass distruction, have no nuclear reactors and are surely not thinking of building one. So please let us be.

In the unlikely event that you still wish to invade our country please be so kind as to give us notice so that we may open the door and prevent you from making a mess.

If you are thinking if immigrating to Portugal, please hear my advice: Go to Spain instead. They pay better and you can have a siesta after lunch.

I hope this has been of use to you. Again, sorry my English is not very good.

In the future I will try to translate this text into other foreign languages such as Japanese, Castillian, Dutch and Canadian.

Kindest of regards, Monsignore Steed